Good Vision Gone Bad
Up until about age 19 or 20, my eyes were perfect. At that time I started to notice that it was getting harder and harder to see while driving at night because all of the lights looked like big bursts and it made it difficult to judge how close I was to the cars in front of me. My daytime vision started to get bad too but I don't think I noticed that as quickly. I remember walking down the hall at work and I could see someone walking toward me but since I couldn't see their face, I would try to do everything I could to look distracted because I was worried that if they were smiling at me, they would think I was rude for not smiling back. I finally decided to go to the Optometrist when I was about 21. I was told that I was nearsighted and had a slight astigmatism in one eye. They fitted me for contacts and glasses. I never really intended to wear the glasses much but I knew I needed them for backup.
I had a hell of a time with the contact lenses, though. My eyes always seemed to be too dry and my contact lenses would just fall right out of my eyes sometimes because my eyes had gotten too dry. I believe I also made the mistake of using Visine for the first few years because no one had told me you weren't supposed to use it with contacts. They felt scratchy all the time so I was always rubbing my eyes, which caused a few conact lenses to tear. I slept in them (a big no-no) and wore them much longer than the 2 weeks you're supposed to before starting a new pair. Part of the reason was to save money (those things are expensive) and part of it was that I just didn't know any better.
When I went back to the Optometrist the following year for my exam, I was scolded for not changing out my lenses as frequently as I should and told that I should never, ever wear them to sleep in, as this could be very bad for my eyes. I was also told that the slight astigmatism I had in one eye had corrected itself. I told the Dr. about how dry my eyes always felt and he switched me to lenses that were supposed to have more moisture. These did seem a little better but I still often felt like my eyes were dry and scratchy. Over the next 8 or 9 years, my eyes gradually got worse and I just dealt with the lenses as best I could.
The decision to get LASIK
For the longest time, whenever I would hear anyone mention having LASIK done, I would think to myself that it was just too scary and I didn't really mind wearing contacts that much. I had gotten used to wearing them and even though they gave me issues once in a while, I could handle it. I figured that maybe one day, if I had some extra money, I might go ahead and do it, but I wasn't in any hurry.
Then, about 2 months ago, I went to my yearly eye exam where they told me I would have to start wearing torric lenses because I had an astigmatism in both eyes. I had had that "slight" astigmatism in one eye when I first began wearing contacts but back then they never said anything about torric lenses. This time I guess it was a lot worse so I got my prescription for torric lenses and set off for Costco to pick them up. That's when I found out that torric lenses are a lot more expensive than what I had been wearing in the past. Like $10 a box more expensive. One box of contacts contains 6 lenses. Each lens is good for two weeks. Since I had a different prescription for each eye, I had to get 2 boxes at a time. For 2 boxes of lenses it cost me $60. Plus the almost $10 bottle of contact solution I had to buy every few weeks. Wearing contacts had always been a bit pricey but now that cost was going up, which just made me mad. This isn't even taking into consideration the cost of glasses. In all the years I wore contacts I only got new glasses once every 3 or 4 years because I rarely wore them and I just couldn't stomach the cost. With insurance coverage, glasses cost a few hundred dollars, depending on the frames you get, whether or not you get anti-glare coating and all kinds of other things they add onto them that cost money. I think my most recent pair of glasses cost about $350. That's with the help of insurance. So when I found out my contacts were going to start costing more money - at a time when we're saving up for a wedding, future family, etc. - I was pretty upset. But what could I do?
After only 2 or 3 days of wearing my new torric lenses, I realized that it wasn't just the cost of them that sucked. They were so uncomfortable! At first I thought I had torn one of them and that was the reason it was irritating my eye so much. For anyone who has never worn contact lenses - wearing a torn lens feels like a really big eyelash is stuck in your eye. It's uncomfortable as hell. But it turned out that the lens wasn't torn. This was just how they felt. (I found out later from my Opthamologist that many people find torric lenses uncomfortable and that they're a big reason people opt for getting LASIK.) After wearing torric lenses for about 3 or 4 weeks, I realized that I didn't want to have to deal with this discomfort for the rest of my life. I had remembered hearing that my vision insurance through my work, EyeMed, covered a portion of the LASIK procedure, so I decided to look into it.
Pre-Surgery
I was referred by my insurance to an Opthamologist here in Rancho named Dr. Armin Vishteh. I made an appointment for a consultation where they would do some tests on my eyes to find out whether or not I was a candidate for the procedure. I met with the surgeon who explained the procedure to me and answered any questions I had. I felt really good about the entire thing. The surgeon was great and all of the other people in the office were very friendly. I had been a little hesitant about going to a surgeon based only on a referral from my insurance and not on the recommendation of people who had actually been to him. But everyone in the office, especially Dr. Vishteh, made me feel very much at ease. Dr. Vishteh told me that I was a good candidate for LASIK and we scheduled an appointment for the surgery. I would have to be out of my contacts for at least 2 weeks prior to the procedure. This would be a little rough for me considering my glasses were an older prescription, not to mention I almost never wore them for longer than a few hours at a time.
The first couple of days of wearing my glasses were rough. I got headaches. They gave me broken blood vessels on the sides of my nose. I couldn't wear sunglasses so going outside during the daytime was difficult and putting on makeup was nearly impossible. But this was for a good cause and it was only for 2 weeks so I did my best. By the beginning of the 2nd week, I was pretty much used to wearing them and the only part I still struggled with was putting on makeup.
Three days prior to surgery I had to go into the office to have my eyes dilated and to get more tests and a prescription for drops that I would need to use after the surgery. I had never had my eyes dilated prior to this and I hope I never have to again. It wasn't awful, but I wasn't prepared for just how sensitive it would make my eyes. Since I was still wearing glasses, I couldn't wear sunglasses on the drive home. Luckily, they gave me a strip of thin plastic material that is shaped like sunglasses that clings to your face and can be worn beneath prescription glasses. I was told I would want to wear those as soon as I got outside. Not wanting to embarrass myself, I decided I would wait until I got to the car to put them on. BIG mistake. As soon as I got outside, tears started streaming from my eyes and I had to shield my face and close my eyes for most of the walk to the car, cursing myself for caring so much about how I might look. The drive home was a little uncomfortable. I could see well enough to drive but the sunlight kept finding ways to get in my eyes despite the mock sunglasses and when your eyes are dilated and sun gets in them, your first instinct is to close them. Not good when you're driving!! If I ever have to get that done again, I will make sure I have someone with me that can drive me home. The first thing Jason said when I got home was "Your eyes are huge!" I didn't want to see them because it freaked me out, but I accidentally caught my reflection while in the bathroom at one point and it was a bit freaky. I could only see a tiny sliver of my iris and what I could see wasn't the normal color I'm used to. My eyes are normally a blue/green color but this looked almost like a mauve or skin color. It was weird. I stayed away from the mirror after that!
The next two days were a little rough. I had trouble sleeping and felt very anxious. I know a few people who have had LASIK and everyone assured me that it was not a big deal, it goes quickly and does not hurt. I'm not saying I didn't believe them but sometimes with things like this, you have to experience it for yourself before you fully believe it. I wasn't worried about the procedure having any negative effects on my sight or hurting or even about the pain that would come with the healing process. I was more scared about the fact that I would have to be awake while it was happening. The fact that I would not only be aware of what was going on, but that I would be able to SEE what they were doing, just freaked me out! I tried not to think about it too much but my attempts were futile.
Getting LASIK
My surgery was scheduled for 9:30am on Saturday morning. I was wide awake by 7am because I was so nervous. We got to the office about 15 minutes early and they called me back right on time. I was so scared that I didn't even really say anything to Jason and I was wishing I had asked him to come back with me at least until it was time for me to have the surgery. The girl took me into a room where she gave me a Xanax to calm me and went over all of my post-operative instructions. My instructions were to use 3 different types of drops 4 times a day. Keep my eyes closed for the first 4-6 hours after surgery, even if I can't fall asleep. No make-up for one week. And be careful to keep water, soap, shampoo, etc. out of my eyes when showering. The girl put a surgical cap and booties on me and applied some kind of numbing ointment around the outside of my eyelids. Next, I was taken into the exam room where the Dr. came in to explain everything that would happen during surgery. He said first he would tape back my eyelashes and then he would insert a speculum that would hold open my eyelids - this would feel weird but shouldn't hurt. Next, he said I would feel some pressure. He asked for my hand and demonstrated how much pressure I would feel. It didn't feel like much on my hand but he explained that since we aren't used to that much pressure on our eyes, it may be uncomfortable. He also said that at this point, I would notice my vision start to fade out and then I would hear a buzzing sound. This would be the point in which he would be making the flap on my cornea. Since that's the part that scared me the most, I asked him to reassure me that I would not feel that. He said I would not feel a thing and that it was important to remember to breathe while he was doing this so I wouldn't tense up too much. He said that once the flap was made, the pressure would stop and that is when they would start the laser. He explained that I would hear more buzzing and smell a burning hair smell. The laser would only be on my eye for about 25 seconds and then he would put the flap back in place and start on the other eye. He told me not to worry and that it would all be very quick and easy. He turned on the eye chart and asked if I could see the big E. I told him that I could see a big blurry blob and the only reason I knew it was an E is because he just told me. He said he'd show me the E again after surgery and I'd be able to see what a big difference there was. At this point, I was really scared and wishing the Xanax would actually do its job and calm me down. Talking to the Dr. probably should have made me feel at least a little bit better about what was about to happen but it really didn't. I honestly don't think anything would have made me feel calm at that point.
I was taken into the room where the procedure would be done and laid down on a blue table/bed that was positioned near the laser. One of the girls handed me 2 stress balls that I could squeeze if I needed to. I was slid under the laser and I saw a bright red light and a bright green light. Someone came in and put several drops in my eyes that were supposed to numb them. I say that they were supposed to because I couldn't ever tell if they were actually numb. If you think about it, you don't ever really have feeling in your eyeballs unless something is in them, so if they're numb, I'm not sure how you'd really know. I was a little scared that I couldn't tell whether or not they were numb and figured I just had to trust that I wasn't going to feel anything. Dr. Vishteh came over and said he was going to start with my right eye so they would be covering my left eye. Next, he taped down my eyelashes on my right eye and said inserted the speculum. Just like he explained earlier, it didn't hurt, but it did feel weird. Though, the insertion of it was the only thing that felt weird. Once it was in, I didn't even notice it. At this point, Dr. Vishteh made two dots on my eye with a pen and then said, "OK Katherine, remember the pressure I told you about, you're going to start to feel that now" and he inserted something else into my eye that apparently suctions the eyeball into place so you can't move it while they're cutting. (The Dr. didn't actually tell me that but I had read it ahead of time and I did hear him give the order to someone to turn on the suction, so I assume the information I read was accurate). At this point he asked if my vision was gone. This was the weirdest part, but also kind of comforting. All along I was afraid that I would be able to see them cutting my eye but it turns out that your vision is completely gone while they're cutting. I was very thankful for that. The sensation was very strange, though. Just as he asked if my vision was gone, I noticed everything went black and I saw what looked like tiny little stars. It was kind of cool so I tried to just focus on those. Then I heard the buzzing and felt more pressure on my eye. At this point I was very scared and started shaking...and I'm pretty sure I was crying. I can't say for sure because I couldn't really feel my eyes (I guess the numbing drops worked) but when the Dr. asked me if I was OK I was choked up and had to try my best to form an answer. He assured me several times that I was doing great, that it wouldn't be much longer and reminded me to just breathe. Honestly, the only reason I was crying is because I was scared out of my mind. It didn't hurt one bit but knowing that he was making a cut in my eyeball was pretty freaking scary and I think I would be surprised if I had gotten through that without crying! Luckily the cutting party was over very quickly and he took the suction device off and asked if my vision was back. I told him it was and he instructed me to look at the red light above me. I stared at the red light and then the flap he had just created was moved back. I could see it move back, which was also very strange but not quite as scary as I expected it to be. My vision was now more blurry than it had been before but I still didn't feel anything. He told me that the laser was going to start now and to just keep looking at the light. I heard a buzzing sound and instantly smelled that "burning hair smell" he warned me about. I've smelled burning hair a few times and this was much worse. I would have to say that even though I was super scared during the cutting of the flap, the burning smell was the worse part of the entire thing. The reason is is so bad is because you have no choice but to breathe it in and it's so strong. I didn't want to smell it anymore so I tried to breathe through my mouth but then I could taste it (and could still taste it for about an hour after the procedure. Yuck!). Dr. Vishteh kept talking to me and letting me know how much longer the laser would be on my eye. The best part of the entire thing was when I heard the girl say "procedure complete" and the laser turned off. Next, I could could feel liquid in my eye and it looked like I was underwater. I saw him move the flap back into place on my eye and then started brushing over it with a tiny little instrument. I could feel that something was touching my eye but there was no pain or discomfort involved at all. I was just relieved to know that it was over and that the flap was now back on my eye where it was supposed to be He then took the speculum out of my eye and took the tape off my eyelashes - this is the only part of the entire procedure that actually hurt! He told me I did a great job and he was gonna give me a short break before starting on the other eye. At this point I realized I had been squeezing those stress balls very hard and was thankful I had them!
My left eye was easier than my right, mostly because I knew exactly what was going to happen and so I wasn't nearly as scared. The only difference is that when he was creating the flap on my left eye, I felt more of it than I had on the right eye. It didn't hurt, but I could feel more pressure I guess. Or maybe it's just that I was more aware of it since, during this part of the procedure on my right eye, I was so upset that I was focused on my fear and for the left eye I wasn't. Whatever the reason, it didn't hurt but I focused on those little stars that appeared when my vision went out and was thankful at how fast it was over. When the Dr. finished with my left eye and took off the speculum and tape, I made a point to pay attention to how well I could see. My vision was definitely better than it had been going in but it was a tad bit fuzzy.
Post Surgery
I was taken into the exam room where I was met by Dr. Vishteh who again told me what a great job I had done (meanwhile, I felt traumatized!). He examined my eyes up close with a bright light and said there was something on my right eye so he had someone bring in a tiny instrument that he used to smooth out my eye. He then turned on the eye chart and asked me if I could see the big E. And there it was, clear as day. I could see the E! I don't know exactly how bad my eyes were before but it's pretty remarkable that I was now able to see so well. He had me read some smaller lines on the chart and said that he was happy with how well I was seeing already.
I was given some goggles to put on that I would also need to wear for the next 3-4 nights while I sleep. They also gave me a pair of wrap-around sunglasses to help with light sensitivity. I was sent out of the office wearing both of those and there was no way I was worried about vanity this time! They also gave me some artificial tears to use and an extra Xanax to take when I got home if I needed it. We scheduled an appointment for my one-day check-up and I was sent home. It's funny...they had given me Xanax to calm me before the procedure and everything was now over, but I was so hyped up afterward that I was shaking when I met Jason in the waiting room.
We stopped at Target on the way home so Jason could run in to get me some Advil PM. The Dr. had told me that I could take Advil or Tylenol if I had any pain and since I was feeling so hyped up after the surgery, I wanted something that would also help me sleep. I had heard from everyone that I talked to that the most pain comes within the first few hours after surgery and that if you're able to go to sleep right when you get home, you'll sleep through most of it and feel better when you wake up. That was my goal. I took the Advil PM as soon as we got home. I could feel my eyes starting to burn and I was starting to feel a little sleepy on my own so I figured the Advil PM would knock me out. No such luck. The burning in my eyes was starting to get pretty bad and it was making it hard to fall asleep. I think I dozed a bit here and there but woke up at one point with a runny nose and tears dripping down my face and the worst burning I've ever felt in my eyes. Think of the burning from chopping an onion X10. The worst part was I couldn't wipe the tears from my eyes, so it was frustrating. I tried dabbing a tissue under my eyes at one point and must have forgot and accidentally brushed the top part of my eyelid with the tissue and it hurt like hell! It felt exactly like you would imagine your eye would feel if it had just been cut and you bumped it. I definitely wouldn't be making that mistake again! I also noticed at that point that the light coming in through the windows in my bedroom was making my eyes sting even more. They hurt so bad that I could barely open them. My eyes felt so heavy and sore that I could barely force them to open long enough to find my way to the bathroom. Thankfully, Jason figured out a way to cover the windows with some blankets to make the room very dark. That was all I needed. As soon as it was dark, I fell asleep for about 6 hours. When I woke up, I felt so much better. The burning was gone but my eyes did feel a little scratchy, like there was sand in them. I'll take that over the burning any day! I stayed up long enough to eat dinner and hang out with Jason for a little while but I was still pretty tired so I went back to bed after a couple of hours.
After all that sleep I woke up at 5am today. The best part was when I grabbed my phone to see what time it was and could read what it said without having to hold it up to my face. It's been at least 10 years since I could see the clock upon waking up, without needing the help of glasses. That was awesome. I went to my follow-up appointment where the Dr. asked if I had been using my drops, whether or not I was feeling any pain or discomfort, and checked my eyes. He said he could see a tiny wrinkle on my left eye and had to "stretch it out", which he did my smoothing out the flap with a tiny instrument similar to what he had done during and after surgery. It felt like he was scratching my eye but didn't hurt too bad. Next he had me read the chart and told me that I'm seeing 20/20! He said it will likely continue to improve and I'll be seeing even better over time but he was very pleased with my progress so far!
I'm excited that I can see without the help of glasses or contacts so I'm very happy I made the decision to get LASIK. I think it's too soon to fully appreciate it, though. Waking up and being able to see the clock this morning was truly the only time it has felt different so far. I know that will change but for now it just feels like I'm wearing scratchy contact lenses. I know that over time I'll start to appreciate it more. I've heard so many people say that they would do it again in a heartbeat if they had to. I honestly can't say if I feel the same way but I think that's because it's too soon. I was honestly terrified during the procedure. Did I have a good reason to be? Probably not. It really isn't all that bad. I definitely wouldn't try to discourage anyone from doing it. But I didn't know that for sure until it was over so maybe if I had to do it again I wouldn't be so scared. I still just feel a little traumatized by it. That might seem dramatic but it was a pretty big ordeal for me so I feel like I'm still mentally recovering from it as well as physically. What I can say for sure is that I will never regret my decision to do it. So it's quite possible that, should I need to have a touch-up at any point, I might then have more appreciation for the outcome and less fear of the procedure and make the decision to do it again. At this point, I'm just happy it's over!
